"..But What I Do Have I Give You..."

“Then Peter said, ‘Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.” Acts 3:6 (NKJV).

I have always loved the idea of Pentecost; the season the church celebrates the upper room experience when the faithful encounter the transformational power of the Holy Spirit after Jesus ascended. During this past month, I spent some time pondering the implications of Pentecost and this verse struck me. Peter and John had just experienced the powerful outpouring of the Holy Spirit and about 3,000 souls were added to the apostles, establishing the first church. Life changed.

So after this, Peter and John go up to the temple to pray when they come across a man who had been lame from birth. He laid at the Beautiful gate everyday asking alms from everyone who would enter the temple. He asked for alms from Peter and John as well and Peter said, “Look at us”. The man looked at them and then Peter responded with the above verse. I am guessing in previous times, Peter and John would have either dropped some coins for the man or ignored him. However, this time, Peter did not respond in the usual manner. He did not even conform to what other people were doing. He responded to a prompting in the Spirit to the true need, which was not money, but healing.

“Silver and gold I do not have…” which usually would have been the end of the discussion. Peter may have had coins in the past to offer but he did not this day. Things had shifted. During this transition season in my life, I have been repeatedly approached by people to do things that in the past I would have normally done. But I am not in that place anymore. I can’t tell you where the ultimate destination is but I don’t have some of the same things to offer that I would have in the past. Sometimes I still respond out of habit and then God will correct me. Other times, I am hearing Him well enough to recognize the invitation is not for me now. It has created a bit of upheaval and it is a challenge for me. I do not have a clear direction or timetable to tell people where I am going or what the destination will look like. Currently the walk of faith looks more like a scene from an old Sherlock Homes mystery – full of fog and only one clue to follow at a time – rather than a neatly planned out road map, with the course marked out in red ink, with rest stops and snack breaks earmarked, and reservations at hotels along the way. I like knowing the big vision, the goal, the purpose, and then following the moves of the Spirit on the way. But that is not where God has me now. I have no answers and no clear direction. And people around me - well meaning, faithful, and loving people - want an answer. If I don’t have one, they will try to offer suggestions for a plan of action. Which then requires me to seek the Lord and ask if those ideas are from Him or of the world. I have spent a lot of time weeding out the other voices in my life so I hear God, and God alone, on how to navigate through the current transitions.

“…but what I do have …”. Let’s be honest. Nobody wants to hear from me that I don’t know where things are going or how they are all going to work out. I don’t like saying it and they don’t like hearing it. Yet in this tight space, God has been working out some deep things in my faith walk. Do I trust Him here? I always thought I trusted God, yet I have found there were areas in my life where I expected God to perform a certain way. When things did not transpire as I expected, I was angry. Whoops! Guess I have some more work to do. A lot of my time has been spent in prayer, praise, and studying my Bible or reading other encouraging words from great people of faith like C.S. Lewis. It has been warfare! And the warfare has centered around the heart of God towards me. If He does not help our family like I think he should, do I still trust Him? Is He still good? Does He still love me? And the resounding answer, after many tears, yelling, and wrestling, is ‘YES’! And not the kind of ‘yes’ that says as long as God provides a nice life for my family, He is a good God. But the kind of ‘yes’ that says ‘I love you’ regardless of what you do or don’t do for me. The kind of ‘yes’ you are supposed to say when you get married. (Although, for many, we are so excited about being in love at the time, we don’t fully expect we will have to face the the ‘worse’ part in “for better or for worse” or the ‘sickness’ in “sickness and in health”.) The ‘yes’ rising within me has more to do with an awareness of how deeply God loves us, regardless of what we do or how we are feeling in the moment. Because what I have seen is that He is there with me in my sorrow, my tears, my grief, my anger, my confusion and even the loneliness. He is not afraid of my questions although it doesn’t mean He always answers them. He has not abandoned me in this place, although at times it may feel like it. And I have found a yearning desire exists in my heart to be with Him even when I am upset with Him. Despite all my frustrations, I want Him and His will for my life more than I want anything else. There are times in our life when we get clarity and we recognize in painful situations, that despite our disappointment and hurt, we still love someone – whether they are parent, spouse, or friend. We care about them for who they are, not just for what they can do for us. It is a realization that changes everything and it is a priceless gift from God.

“…I give you….”. Anyone who has known me for a few years, knows I am not mercy motivated. I also am not known for going around hugging people. If you doubt that, just ask my husband. Yet as God has been loving on me, I have found myself drawn to love on people when I see them, whether with an encouraging word or a hug or just a listening ear. Not always, mind you, just as the Spirit leads. I have always had compassion for people but that is not what I am experiencing now. Perhaps it is just a deeper awareness of how deeply God loves each and every one of us, perhaps it is the freedom that comes from a deeper realization of how unconditional His love really is, or perhaps in releasing God from my expectations looses Him to pour out more, I don’t know. All I know is that for years I thought I had broken that spirit where I approached God like an ATM - if I do these certain steps, God will deliver what I ask for – only to find in the last 18 months that I still had roots of expectation corrupting our relationship. Purification is a process, not a destination, so I am not claiming I have been completely liberated from all expectation. Only that I have found a deeper level of compassion and love from our Lord than I have previously experienced.

Let me encourage you on your journey through the changes you are encountering. If you are facing despair, discouragement, fear, frustration or anger with God or with things not going as you hoped, take all of those issues to God. Try to look past the emotion to see what God may be about in the midst of the circumstances. Are there old wounds that need healing? Are you developing a new level of hope or patience? Stay with the questions until you start to hear God respond. He WILL respond. He loves you more than you know or can understand. He loves you with the desire to see you become all He intended you to be, enough to allow you to be angry with Him while He continues to work on what will bring you greater life. He is faithful and He will pursue you. Look unto Him and allow Him to heal you so that you can be like the lame man who met Peter, who upon receiving Jesus, leaped to his feet and entered the temple leaping and praising God!

GLORIFY YOUR NAME

Recently I have been challenged to consider how Jesus handled moving towards his crucifixion. In John 12:27-28, Jesus says:

“Now My soul is troubled, and what shall I say? Father, save Me from this hour? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name.” (NKJV).

How many times lately have I gone to God complaining because I don’t like the way things are progressing? More than I can count, I am sure. Yet Jesus shows us how to faithfully walk out challenging circumstances in this statement. There is more going on than meets the eye. My problems are not just mine. Do I recognize that? Sometimes. If I am honest, probably not as much as I should.

I have been in a season of shifting paradigms, of responsibility yet without authority or ability to change much of what has been happening. It has been a season of trusting God in a new way, facing hardships on a number of fronts, and choosing to trust God despite the problems. I have frequently experienced the troubled soul referenced in scripture and have searched for solutions without finding the golden key to fix everything. I have prayed, worshipped, read my Bible, and yet the challenges remain. However, God keeps redirecting me. And this verse has haunted me, as if guiding me to a different kind of action.

“Father, glorify YOUR name.” It has become my default response when I have been feeling pressed. I don’t always recognize how that is going to manifest or how my humbling season will in any way, shape, or form glorify Him, but I choose to trust He knows what He is doing. Does that make my problems go away? No. But it does make my soul less troubled. It also reminds me of where the real battlefield lay. God is about more than I can see and asking Him to move as He will can sometimes lead us through circumstances we would not have chosen, like the cross. But the cross is not the destination. The cross is the doorway to a resurrected life, fully united with our loving Creator. Remembering the journey is all about relationship with Him helps take the focus off the suffering of the cross and places it firmly back on the real purpose, the new life on the other side of the cross.

I cannot say I have liked this journey. I can say it has brought great healing and revelation. Everyone wants a miracle but nobody wants to need one, right? If you find yourself in a similar situation, let me encourage you to start declaring ‘Glorify Your name!’.

THE WOMAN WITH THE ALABASTER BOX

During the past couple of weeks, I have been re-considering the story of the woman with the alabaster box. Matthew 25:6-13 tells one version of her story as the lady who pours out very costly oil (some say spikenard) over the head of Jesus. Interestingly, variations of this story appear in both Mark 14:3-9 and John 12:1-8. Besides verifying the event actually happened, 3 versions also indicate the story is significant. There are many important ideas in this short piece. Having decades of ministry experience only complicates the plethora of talking points and historical/theological concepts. Yet, currently I am drawn to what this story shows us about the connection the woman had with Jesus. A few observations based on her actions grant some insight into that relationship:

1. She desperately wanted to be in the presence of Jesus.
2. She defied the social customs of the day.
3. She poured out the most valuable thing she had.
4. She already knew the magnitude of His love and had experienced His grace.
5. Having experienced His love, she wanted to respond in kind.
6. She wanted to bless Him.

Historians have said the 300 denarii she spent on the oil amounted to a year’s wages and they frequently point to the financial extravagance of the act. Emotionally, however, I think her desire to be near Jesus, in defiance of the social norms of her day, merit even greater consideration. Many of the people at the gathering condemned her actions and some of those were even followers of Jesus. Yet her desire to be close to her Savior and show Him her love for Him outweighed all other considerations. She was in very dangerous waters socially yet she took no care for herself, but passionately pursued honoring Jesus.

Interestingly, I have also been spending some time in the book of John. One particular passage has been resonating with me, and relates to the woman with the alabaster box. John 12:42-43 tells of a number of rulers who believed in Jesus but did not confess Him because they were afraid the Pharisees would throw them out of the synagogue. John adds the rulers “… loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.” Wow! What a stark contrast to the woman who anointed Him just a few verses earlier in the same chapter of John.

So why does this matter? Because so many people of faith have obviously invested tremendous quality time in the secret places with God. And whatever box which would not allow people to acknowledge Jesus 2000 years ago will still try to keep those rich moments with God from spilling out onto those around us. Yet, we need to break that alabaster box, however beautiful it may be and however well intentioned the craftsmen who made it, and allow our overwhelming passion for our Savior to pour out. He has worked great things in us in those secret places we have spent with Him and those gifts are not just for us. We each have developed our own distinctive, fragrant oil in our time with God. It is time for those offerings to be poured out publicly to the benefit of all who have eyes to see and ears to hear. Let us approach our Lord with the same heart as the woman with the alabaster box; passionately devoted to loving our Lord with our whole heart and a brave disregard for the praise of men!

I ARISE TODAY THROUGH A MIGHTY STRENGTH

“I arise today through a mighty strength…” (from St. Patrick’s Breastplate Prayer). Have you ever had a season of life where it seems like every day requires the strength of God to get through? Where it becomes evident on a daily basis that my own strength, my own understanding, is insufficient to overcome the obstacles before me. In the changing times swirling around me, I have had to be intentional about approaching God and praising Him. I have had to function so far outside of my comfort zone; I can’t even see it from here. The whole concept of a comfort zone is a vague and distant memory. Experience tells me this place of discomfort is where God does His most dramatic transformational work. My flesh tells me how uncomfortable the process is and craves an easier answer. Fortunately, or unfortunately, some of the challenges are so complex; I know I cannot think my way through to a solution. I cannot rely on my own understanding. Instead, I have to keep my eyes on the face of my partner, God, and dance with Him over the very dangerous knives below our feet. If I look down, the fear will cause a misstep, which I cannot afford. My only solution is to keep my eyes firmly focused on the face of my Savior and trust Him to lead me through the treacherous territory.

I remember Joshua and Caleb who, while seeing the Giants, focused on the promise. I pray God helps me see through the supernatural eyes of faith while, at the same time, increasing my faith. I know many a saint has passed through these kinds of precarious circumstances to reach through to a richer, fuller life – Esther, Elijah, Paul, Mary, Deborah, Joshua, Caleb, and Ruth to name a few. I also realize St. Patrick wrote his prayer specifically to deal with seasons of life where we need to be reminded there is more going on than our daily experience. There is a much bigger story going on, spiritual forces at work on our behalf. There are also opposing forces of darkness fighting to get us to question the heart of our God. We must remember in the tight places to keep our eyes on God and be aware that we arise today …”through God’s strength to pilot me: God’s might to uphold me…God’s hand to guard me…God’s shield to protect me…So that there may come to me abundance of reward” (from St. Patrick’s Breastplate prayer). Remember there is a battle for a victory. So keep your eyes on the prize and continue to search for the fulfillment of God’s promise. Onward Christian soldiers! Let’s fight well the battle before us so we may see God glorified.

SONG OF SOLOMON

My husband and I recently celebrated our 23rd anniversary and when I was contemplating what to write, I kept returning to the parallels between marriage and the walk of faith. I encourage you to read Song of Solomon – or Song of Songs – depending on what Bible you use. It depicts an intimate pursuit between a man and a woman, as well as between Jesus and us. My natural tendency is to look for the formula that works and then duplicate it. However, neither marriage nor my walk with Christ follows a formula. There are some basic principles but every recipe is different, just as every person is different. And unlike my favorite recipes, I do not get to know the exact nature of the end product nor all of the ingredients I need to prepare the dish. God wants me to stay close to Him and he will whisper what ingredients I need to add and when. All I get to know about the recipe is that it will be GOOD, but I need to take that on faith. Neither my marriage nor my Christian walk has progressed as I expected 25 years ago yet both have been good and rich.

Jesus invites into an intimate romance, as told throughout the Song of Solomon, much like getting married is the first step down an unexpected journey, full of turns and twists, unexpected joys and sorrows. The trick is to embrace them all as part of the wonderful wild adventure we are blessed to travel. Any good romance story has challenge, heartbreak, doubt, and fear mixed in with joy, passion, and overcoming forces trying to tear you apart. Those things don’t end the day you say “I do” just like they don’t cease when you accept Jesus into your heart. Jesus wants to romance us throughout the everyday challenges we all face, just as our husbands want to pursue us despite jobs, kids, bills, life. Things will not go as you expect. Expect the unexpected. The Shulamite woman in Song of Solomon both hides from her lover and seeks him. The man, frequently considered to be Solomon, does the same. Life goes on, business is taken care of, yet their desire for each other runs through all the circumstances.

Throughout the chapters the man speaks to the wounds the woman has received throughout her life and redeems them, speaks truth to the lie, so the woman can recognize she is the beauty he perceives her to be. The woman praises the man and speaks of her desire for him. In our marriage, I have found those to be good models to follow. Frequently my husband sees things in me I do not, and I recognize greatness in him that he does not always see. And underneath it all, we both need to pursue each other. Sometimes one pursues the other more, but it is a dance, a romance, not a cookbook recipe. When we took ballroom dance lessons, we learned one of the keys to the Latin dances was the alternating pursuit. The man pursues the woman as she pulls away, then the woman pursues the man, then they rejoice in being together and the pursuit starts all over again. Song of Solomon details a very similar pattern; however, remember it is a pattern not a recipe. Every couple will have their own dance, their own rhythm just as everyone’s walk with Christ is unique.

I encourage you to meditate on what the Shulamite woman says in Song of Solomon 2:2 – “I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of many valleys.” (NKJV). Throughout the book, the woman is honored for who she is, not what she does. In this current season of busyness, I wrestle with this. I frequently get caught up in my value being what I have accomplished – or more frequently – not accomplished. Yet the truth is the ultimate bridegroom, Jesus, sees us as his beloved bride, our value is safe in Him. The other point is to remember to delight in each other – in your marriage, in your romance with God, and in the body of Christ. We are all uniquely and wonderfully made and while the differences may occasionally cause friction, they also bring life. Throughout the Song of Solomon, the man and woman delight in each other. Delight in your husband for who he is not what he does, delight also in your friends, your children, and most importantly of all, delight in Jesus. He delights in us. Leave room in your heart and time in your day to remember He delights in you. In 2:2 Solomon says “ Like a lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.”. And the woman responds, “I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”. And again in 4:9 the bridegroom says, “You have ravished my heart…” (NKJV) while in 7:3 he says “How beautiful you are, how charming, my love, my delight” (the New Jerusalem translation). When I remember that “I am my beloveds and his desire is for me.” (vs. &:10-11), I find I don’t need the recipe. I am ready to dance through the romance for yet another day.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite sections from Song of Solomon that has really been speaking to me lately, partly because it seems somewhat contrary to how the world looks right now. I particularly love the New Jerusalem version.

“My love lifts up his voice,

he says to me,

“Come, then, my beloved,

my lovely one, come.

For see, winter is past,

the rains are over and gone.

Flowers are appearing on the earth.

The season of glad songs has come….

Come then, my beloved,

my lovely one, come.” (2:10-13)

RUBBER BAND

RUBBER BAND

        Have you ever had one of those rubber band moments with God?  You know, one of those brief periods of respite in a season of difficult circumstances where you recognize you need to spend some time alone with God and process through everything that has happened in the pressed place.  I have been so far removed from my comfort zone of late that I can't even find a reference point as God has stretched me into new and unexpected positions.  The process has been good but hard.  There is life in it but it is requiring more of me than I thought I had.  Like a rubber band, I have been stretched in crazy and unusual ways and, like that rubber band, I have a brief moment to spring back to what had been a more natural position.  Yet, not quite.  I am changed from all the stretching so I no longer spring back to my original shape.  I kind of recognize what my original shape was but it no longer feels like home.  The changes that have come from the stretching are now a part of who I am and I do not see things the same, feel the same, or experience things in the way I used to.  In this spring back place, I can see how much God has been working on me through the changing circumstances.  And, if I am honest, I can see I would have never willingly gone to the challenging places that wreaked this havoc on me and my life.  However, I am better for it.  God is doing something and thankfully, He is not finished with me.  In the brief spring back, I can catch my breath and see He is moving and working on me, not just for myself but also for others.  But I am also very aware that this is just a resting spot, a time for the tension to be released from the rubber band before proceeding onto more stretching. 

            In this relatively quiet place God has created, I have been reminded of Elisha in 2 Kings 6 where he prayed for his servant to see with supernatural eyes, so he could see the horses and chariots of fire summoned to war on behalf of the Israelites.  And I am moved beyond tears.  Thank you God for giving me a glimpse of your hand at work – even when I have not felt or seen it.  Thank you God for being up to more than I can comprehend in the midst of my circumstances.  Thank you God for putting up with my whining and questioning when the circumstances would say you are not there or won't come through for me.  Thank you for being faithful.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for loving all of us.  Thank you for being steadfast and true, especially in the face of doubt, fear and questioning.  Thank you God for showing me a glimmer of how much bigger you are than any mountain I may encounter.  Please set this seal upon my heart.  Help me to remember this moment when you revealed your presence and gave me a glimpse of the true world, the battle in the heavenlies and your provision for that battle.  I am humbled and grateful.  Knowing that I have only a glimpse, I am in awe of how much bigger and better your true glory is.

I WILL ABIDE...

“I will abide in your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of your wings. Selah.” Psalm 61:4.

When David wrote this verse, what was he trying to say? On one hand, it can be seen as a promise. All believers will dwell in God’s tabernacle forever, worshiping God and they can trust God will provide them shelter and protection. Seems like a good promise, a scripture one can stand on when looking at God’s promises. However, there is an alternative interpretation, one that requires more of the faithful than just a promise of good things. David was a man after God’s own heart because he uninhibitedly worshiped God regardless of how he appeared to others. Knowing about the nature of David opens up the passage to something deeper.

Perhaps the verse could also be read as a statement. “I WILL abide in your tabernacle forever”. Consider the possibility of choosing to abide with God in the tabernacle despite the forces striving to pull one away from the walk of faith. Could David have been declaring his choice to worship God and pursue relationship with Him even though his circumstances may not look praiseworthy in the moment? Sometimes entering into praise and worship can be a choice. The car breaks down, an account is overdrawn, a job is lost. Entering into the tabernacle praising God may not be the first thing on one’s mind in those situations. Yet, making the choice to pursue relationship with God regardless of how one feels can make all the difference. David went into the house of the Lord and worshiped as soon as he learned of the death of his first child with Bathsheba. Worshiping God right after the death of one’s child would not be most people’s first reaction. How many people continue to pursue God when the answers to their heart felt cries appear to be ‘no’? The challenge surfaces in the question “Will you choose to pursue God even if He does not come through for you like you think He should?” Yet David did so and illustrated his willingness to choose God and God’s plan even when it conflicted with his personal desires. David made the choice to abide in the tabernacle even in the midst of great personal sorrow. In doing so, he recommitted himself to pursuing the heart of God.

If the issue of worship can be construed as a choice, then the same argument can be used with trust. “I WILL trust in the shelter of your wings” can be read as a statement of choice as well as a promise. When David was running from Saul and hiding in the countryside, David had to continually choose to trust in God’s plan. When hiding in the cave, David had ample opportunity to reconsider whether he should trust in the shelter of God’s wings. Yet he lived to become king without ever killing Saul, his persecutor. David demonstrated the same choice to trust God after the death of his son. Perhaps that was why he was a man after God’s own heart. Instead of praising God only when things went his way, David praised God and chose to trust God even when he did not appear to tangibly benefit from the relationship. And isn’t that what true relationship should look like? Most people want to be appreciated for who they are, not what they do. Would it not make sense for God to desire the same thing from? Instead of approaching God like the divine ATM of life where one can withdraw whatever one perceives as a need, perhaps choosing to trust Him and His heart toward each person would lead to a deeper and more fulfilling walk. The world screams like a child for instant gratification of desires yet David illustrates a different path. The phrase “I WILL trust in the shelter of his wings” can be construed as a statement of faith evidenced by how David chose to live his life. Despite his circumstances, he chose to trust God. In so doing, he became a man after God’s own heart.

Finally, ‘Selah’. Pause. Why pause there? Could it be that making those statements of faith brings one into agreement with God’s promises? Pausing allows for a mental and spiritual shift to occur. One chooses to ignore the pull of the flesh, the world, the circumstances, all of those things screaming for attention when in pressed places and instead makes room for God, faith, and the peace which passes all understanding. Deciding to abide with God and trust in Him requires allowing space for Him to move and re-organize perceptions and mindsets. Pause, reflect, allow the Holy Spirit to move, and soak in His presence. When one resolves to walk with God wherever He leads, regardless of personal cost, then one can hope to become people after God’s own heart. Selah.